You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
