I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
