Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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