I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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