Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We got so high we made milksteak
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
