Your face is a jimmy john
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
