I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
