dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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