I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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