Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
