I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
