I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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