Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
