can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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