i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
