I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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