I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
