He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
