I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
