dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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