Its about making memories worth repressing
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
