Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
