Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
