Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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