im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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