If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
