His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
