Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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