I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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