chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize