In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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