i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
