u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
