our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
