the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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