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That's how twitter works, right?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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