who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
