I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You took a bar mat shot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
