I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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