I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
