what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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