Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
