I'm jealous of your bromance
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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