Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wear drunk well.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
