so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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