The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He better not be in your backpack
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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