I think my vagina is haunted
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
