I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
