Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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