in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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