To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
