How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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