I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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