i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize