If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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