Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
