i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
