my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
even my farts smell like vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
