I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
