What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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