You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
