I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
