i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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