I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
