I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can text with my tongue
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
