He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
