there was a trapeze. enough said
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
