Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
