does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
