Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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