Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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