This is not my ceiling
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
