I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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