My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
