dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
