his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
