one two three fourrrrnication!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
