Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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