o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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