Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
