Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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