So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
