I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
